Make fear your friend, your best friend.
and when your friend visits, rejoice...
for with him he brings the seeds of great success.
Disappearing Fear
How do you
best release yourself from that which you fear, big or small? What is the
fastest, most effective way to overcome fear?
Well,
here is a solution for you that is very fast, very effective (in fact, it is guaranteed to
work). You can apply it to all your fears, big or small.
First, let us
briefly look at some obvious characteristics of fear.
In terms of time,
fear is future-based. In other words, if you look at any of your fears, they
are always about something that isn't happening right Here, right Now at this
exact moment. Fear cannot possibly exist about something that is in your
present. It is always a, "What will happen to me if..." construct. Even if
someone were to put a gun to your head right now, you would fear
the possibility that in the very near future they will pull the trigger.
That is why a threat is no longer effective once it is carried out. Fear is
always about something that hasn't happened yet (it may be just about to
happen, but it hasn't happened yet). You also don't fear things that have
already happened, things that are in the past. So that is the time-based
nature of fear, or worry.
In terms of space, fear is finite. It occupies
a limited space with boundaries. If you focus on that area only, fear can
encompass your entire attention to the point that all you are thinking about
is your fears and you completely forget that life has many more
things that are far greater that the limited item you fear. If you
step back a little, you will see the bigger picture, and your fear
will lessen simply because your attention will not be 100% on your
fear. Imagine that you have 100 attention units to dedicate. If
you dedicate all 100 to that which you fear, you will be encompassed
by your fears. If you step back and look at the bigger picture, you will
automatically be dedicating less attention units to that which you
fear.
Now, let us complete the technique. How do you best
release yourself from that which you fear, big or small? What is the
fastest, most effective way to overcome fear?
It is
as simple as this: adjust your space-time perspective. That's it. If you mess
with the space-time characteristics of your fear, you will automatically
denature it.
Here is the exact way of doing that,
step-by-step:
Step 1: Draw whatever you fear into the Here,
Now.
For example, let us assume that you are worries about
losing your job or your spouse. That is a future event. Now, pretend that
it has happened already. That instantly eliminates your having to dodge
it, to avoid it. It enables you to stop fighting to avoid it happening. So,
close your eyes and completely pretend it has happened already. That which
you fear is no longer in the future, but it has now happened
already.
Step 2: Feel the feelings you would feel assuming it has
happened.
Is it shame, anger, vulnerability, grief,
embarrassment? What feelings would you feel if it happens? As you draw the
future into the present and fully pretend it has happened allow yourself
to feel absolutely everything that you imagine you would feel if
that which you fear actually happened. Whatever it is you are
avoiding feeling if that which you fear were to happen, feel it
now.
Step 3: Accept it and yourself.
This is the
key step. Now that it has happened, accept things as they are, and accept
yourself as you are. Stop dodging, pretending or trying to change life. Just
accept. Look inwards and say, "Jane (or whatever your name is), you are a
worthy, good, acceptable person as you are, even as these things have
happened, and I am proud to be you and happy to know you and spend my life
with you. I accept you as you are, and I accept life as it is, and I
accept these feelings as they are."
Step 4: Embrace the
unknown.
One of the key features of fear is that you are afraid
of what will happen if that which you fear comes to be. Solve this problem
by simply embracing the unknown. Admit that life is larger than what you
know, and that what you don't know isn't a dangerous thing necessarily, even
though your fears may tell you it is. The unknown is your friend.
Tell yourself that even if you don't know what lies in the unknown,
and you will never know until you pass through it, you will be able to go
through it OK, even if you don't know how.
Life will just happen.
Feel the fear but do it anyway.
excerpted from article by
David Gikandi